I don't really care for a lot of holidays. My least two favorite holidays? Valentine's and my birthday. Before you go on thinking that I am loathing my life of singledom or that I never had a good Valentine's or that I have felt slighted in any respect to my birthday, let me lay those concerns to rest. First, I have had some awesome Valentine's days. And for the most part, each year my birthday has rocked.
However, I think holidays like Valentine's and birthdays leave huge opportunities for large amounts of unfulfilled expectations - for most girls and the more sensitive men out there. And this is why I don't care for them. I hate awkwardness, hurt feelings, or unnecessary feelings of sadness. Not just when I fell this way - but when anyone does. And, while I hope these are not what people are feeling on holidays - I feel like a lot of people do. Not because their partner fails to be thoughtful, but because of the gap between their expectations and what was actually delivered.
As a slightly sensitive women, I most admit to recognizing the ridiculousness of sadness over expectations that are not fulfilled (and which are usually quite unrealistic to start with), but can't deny that sometime you just can't help how you feel. However, I have found a loophole in it all. An awesome way to avoid opportunities for unfulfilled expectations. What? Have no expectations!
My plan? As an adult, when I have found eternal love and am married, I want traditions. For example - each Valentines Day our tradition will be that we always make dinner and each get each other something (ie: we always get each other a movie - or maybe its a puzzle - but no matte what, each year it is the same thing). The point is that there are guidelines - so there is minimal amount of room for unfulfilled expectation - hence lessening the chance for awkwardness, sadness, or hurt feelings - further, the ridiculous emotionalness of being a girl is minimized. A win-win situation. Creativity will be needed, of course. But there is something so appealing about instituting traditions like this.
What about for birthdays? Well, the husband can choose his day. But for me - I have it planned. A bike ride and a picnic. Each morning on my bday, we will go on a bike ride and have a picnic. Two of my favorite things. No way I could be disappointed. Fabulous history and memories are sure to be made. Can't wait.
So - any suggestions? Flaws in my argument? What do you think?
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4 comments:
First off, hello! Missed you! :)
Secondly, I like the traditions idea. Although I love a good surprise, especially on my birthday, I like the idea of a set thing each year that you do. And you should always take the same picture, and watch yourselves get older and such. And one day you'll have a baby strapped to your chest or on a bike, and the next two babies....how fun would it be to document it that way? I do hope you love to scrapbook, cause I've got it all set up in my head...
I do like the idea, but I like it on its own merits and not because it will eliminate expectations. I really don't feel like there is anyway around those. After the tradition has been in place for a while, I think it would be quite easy to expect your spouse to go above and beyond what has been done before, instead of just treating it like any old birthday. Maybe I'm wrong. For me the key is realizing that holidays really are just days, and to appreciate them for the little extra joy they bring and not setting myself up for disappointment. Love the idea of traditions, though, and both those sound quite fun. Maybe we should just get married?
Good idea. Me and Chris haven't been married long...but since we're poor we've set dollar amounts. That way we can still surprise each other but we know the other person isn't spending more. For valentines day we agree to spend nothing and instead planned a movie and dinner together.
Lauren, Hello long lost friend! I do like your ideas, here are some of mine:
The first birthday i celebrated with COdy we went and got our pictures in a photo booth and now we do it every year as a tradition for his birthday. I am one of those people that like to go above and beyond. But since we are poor I am forced to be creative, so this year I am making Cody go on a scavenger hunt all day long for all his gifts. He has to solve clues and go to different places. I made him pajama bottoms, his mom bought him P90X and I am going to make his favorite meals and dessert and stuff. I really like your ideas of setting traditions, but don't be too mad if the guy just happens to surprise you with a dozen long stem roses or something. :)
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